perform_admirably: (somewhere else in space)
[personal profile] perform_admirably
Three days of Hell on Earth - and somehow the hours of the morning after the world is calm again have moved Spock to more frustration than any of it. The insistence of his memory to forget between one day and the next that 'computer, lights on' does not function nearly as well without a computer. The insistence of the building's boiler to always run out of hot water during the very middle of his shower, despite an intentional variance of 0.15 hours every day since arriving in order to determine the best time to schedule it for the early morning. Running out of food and having no great desire to steal more knowing that he has no intentions - out of a lack of present ability - to replace what he takes.

Most would be happy to be alive. Spock finds it easier to be annoyed in very small ways, rather than elated in large ones. Easier to let what concerns him be flat, normal, sterile. To be neither angry about what's happened nor relieved for what can continue.

Flat, normal, sterile boredom draws him down the stairwell and into Jim Kirk's building at no later than eight in the morning, knocking sharply at the door with his knuckles. He waits. The other man is in there, and when Spock knocks, he expects an answer, with the same stubbornness of a child. So he waits.

"Captain," he says, only once.

His sling, a write-off after the anomaly, no longer supports the cast on his nearly-healed arm. In his hand, he grips a box, found incidentally at an antiques shop nearly a week ago during a search for a piercing saw. A wooden tangram puzzle.

It doesn't occur to him that Jim Kirk might not be in any mood for a puzzle.

Date: 2012-06-01 06:37 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Conferring.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
Digging out the paper, Jim studies it, eyes passing swiftly over each design. Truth be told, for a man who grew up putting engines back together, frequently using parts whose origins were not vehicular, it seems like a bit of a cakewalk.

Selecting one of the harder ones just to be an ass, Jim sets himself to assembling the shape, forming it in his mind in less than three seconds, with his hands in less than ten. "Does this come in three dimensions?" he wonders, even as a secondary part of his brain considers the rest of what Spock has said.

Truth be told, Jim is dying to get back to his scanner, ready to reprogram it with all the ferocity he possesses to find some clue regarding their imprisonment in this world, but...he also wants to beat Spock's game. "Which one did you do fastest?"

Date: 2012-06-02 12:43 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Deciding.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
"I do one puzzle right and you should have known better?" asks Jim, frowning at him over the completed puzzle. "Wait, you brought me a game you played as a kid, and now you're unhappy with - "

Jim stops abruptly, confused, and irritated with himself for being so. "Is the reason you guys share thoughts because you're so damn hard to read, otherwise?"

Date: 2012-06-02 06:05 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Lashes.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
"You told me why you came here," Jim replies, and maybe it's his own loneliness, the lack of control over their situation that he tries beating back every day only to fail again and again, maybe it's the fact that the man in front of him is one of only two he actually knows, and he only came here to, to...Jim's mouth bitterly shapes the word. "To manage me. I don't care if the conversation strays to the non-professional, okay? I'd...fucking welcome it, there's - " Jim sighs. "There's more to life than our work, isn't there?"

Date: 2012-06-02 06:56 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Listening.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
As usual, there's as much to decipher in what Spock's not saying as what he is, and it's only Jim's particularly determined brand of stubbornness that carries him through to the other side.

"Spock," his says, voice gentling somewhat, "Come sit down. I get this kind of conversation makes you uncomfortable, but I kind of think I have that effect on you in general, so I'm just going to go with it." And yet, as soon as he's begun, Jim pauses. Aboard ship things had been different - they'd had so many duties to distract them, by the time they came together each day as Captain and First Officer, it had felt necessary. Natural. Jim doesn't want to force things, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss that, nor miss the friendship he could swear they'd been slowly evolving towards.

"Do you always secondguess you're this much?" he asks. "Or is it just this place? Our...unique situation here."

Date: 2012-06-03 12:54 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Attention.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
Jim's not sure he's ever felt guilty before for another person enjoying his company, but given Spock's phrasing, he almost wonders if he should.

"I don't think it's as complicated as you're trying to make it, Spock," he says. "I know you've spent time with other people, other humans, even, outside of your responsibilities. Why do I have to be different?"

Date: 2012-06-03 09:52 pm (UTC)
to_boldly: (Thoughtful.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
"I don't know, Spock," says Jim honestly. If there's anything he's learned in this conversation, commitment to logic or no, Jim can no more predict the things that Spock will say and do than Spock can for him.

"People don't like change in general." He hesitates for only a moment, for if there's anything that Jim can be counted on being, it's direct. "I don't think you like the way I do things. And in those six months we served together that you don't remember, I think you liked that the way I do things works even less. I'm just guessing, but as a scientist, maybe you don't like that you just don't get me. Me, I just...I find it fun. Challenging. Not getting you."

Date: 2012-06-04 12:00 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Disquiet.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
"I'll give you everything I've got, Spock." Jim's throat is tight, the lump lodged in the center of it painful. He doesn't want to be taken, and yet he is, swept up in the memory of that hatred, feeling it as if it were his own, though the source of his experience is, of course, a different Spock, and one with more than a hundred year's time to balance his own emotions. If that elder Spock had experienced the death of Vulcan so deeply, Jim can't imagine how it must feel for the young Spock sitting across from the table now.

Jim finds he doesn't want to meet his eyes, afraid of the agony he'll see reflected there, however well concealed. But he looks anyway. Having once manipulated these very hurts to prove Spock emotionally compromised, Jim deserves every guilty stab against his own conscience. "I hate him, too," he says, quiet. Nero had taken all chance of Jim ever knowing his father, had sent his mother running to the furthest corners of the galaxy to get away from the child that so resembled him; Jim had thought that'd be enough, but Nero had proven such thoughts hopelessly naive. "If I could tell you how to stop, I would, but I don't know myself."

Date: 2012-06-04 08:03 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Worry.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
"Yeah," says Jim after a long breath. "Now more than ever seems like a good time to learn everything we can about this place." He picks up the half-disassembled scanner that he'd arrived with, turning it over in his hands.

"Spock. The capacity for hatred might be an expected trait for humans, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable. Hatred is what turns a man into a creature like Nero. So as soon as I can find it in myself to forgive the man, I mean to."

Date: 2012-06-05 01:19 am (UTC)
to_boldly: (Attention.)
From: [personal profile] to_boldly
Jim wears a faint smile for the words that sound like a prayer, feeling, if not peaceful afterward, than more assured of its possibility. In the days that followed their return, Pike had told him it was the loss of Nero's family that made him go mad. It hits closer to him than Kirk would care to admit outloud. "Peace," he murmurs, reminding himself yet again before he nods.

"Tea hound, huh? Knock yourself out. And take the box if you want it."

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